too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
