32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
