Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
