I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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