You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
