dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
