I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
