Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.

Fav 5 1056 4733
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(503): View more from Oregon

you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub

Fav 10 1031 6100
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(330): View more from Ohio

Fuck 8am classes

(330): View more from Ohio

Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes

Fav 15 4452 1915
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(606): View more from Kentucky

I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.

Fav 14 1171 4030
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(614): View more from Ohio

My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

(1-614): View more from Ohio

You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

Fav 23 8490 1705
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(952): View more from Minnesota

In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

Fav 32 4864 2894
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(619): View more from California

It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.

Fav 3 3081 1008
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!

Fav 0 551 515
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.

Fav 0 44 47
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