does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
