Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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