hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
