yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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