It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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