if only i could text you this smell
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
