just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A+ Viking dick
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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