life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
