he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
