talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
