Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
