he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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