Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
