I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
