then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
