I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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