dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
