Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
