Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
