Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
