Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
wow bdsm is so cute
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
