I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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