I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
