i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
