but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
