my vag is so smooth its legendary
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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