I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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