I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
