Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
