if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
