Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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