The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
