you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
