I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
