my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
