You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Quick, to the slutcave!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
