1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
