it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
