WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
