definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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