her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
