Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
